let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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