I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
