I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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