mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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