I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
