i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
