How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
