yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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