dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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