So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
