i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I forget how to act sober
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
