And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
