i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
