just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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