My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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