Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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