ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
