All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
