You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
