i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
