maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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