When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
