Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
