then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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