I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
