Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
