need another drink. this is the easiest way
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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