I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
