Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
