wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
