those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
