you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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