And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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