I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you win again, gameday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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