he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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