Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
