I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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