if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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