Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
