Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
