i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
