I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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