I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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