He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
