i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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