i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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