I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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