hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
