3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
