I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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