I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
