Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
