At least make sure they are 18
Why
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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